Sermons

Preacher: Rev. Charles J. Stephens

FIRST READING:        “As I Grew Older” by Langston Hughes

It was a long time ago.
I have almost forgotten my dream.
But it was there then,
In front of me,
Bright like a sun—
My dream.
And then the wall rose,
Rose slowly,
Slowly,
Between me and my dream.
Rose until it touched the sky—
The wall.
Shadow.
I am black.
I lie down in the shadow.
No longer the light of my dream before me,
Above me.
Only the thick wall.
Only the shadow.
My hands!
My dark hands!
Break through the wall!
Find my dream!
Help me to shatter this darkness,
To smash this night,
To break this shadow
Into a thousand lights of sun,
Into a thousand whirling dreams
Of sun!

SECOND READING: It’s a new day (transgender)
by Lj Mark

It’s a new day

But as she drifts in and out of the morning’s gentle hold
Her dreams and mind forget the body under the covers
And she finds herself dancing in a waterfall
Swimming like a mermaid she reaches the edge of the pool
Shaking her beautiful long curls, and dressing
In her silks and flowing lace.
She smells the forest through a female nose
All the beautiful woods and flowers come alive within
Assuming the demeanor of a Princess
Walking the paths, with dust that sparkles
Settling on the ground behind her
But the dreams end suddenly, as the scent of coffee
Fills the room, and the sounds of cars passing outside
Bring her back, back into the here and now
The covers pull off, and the trousers come on, the shirt and boots that the day requires.
But as she walks out the door, to spend the day trying to be a man in a man’s world, she gently smiles, knowing that her magical forest awaits its Princess, and soon she will return.
Transgender 101
A Sermon by Rev. Charles J. Stephens

In his book, “The Dignity of Difference,” Rabbi Jonathan Sacks made a forceful plea for tolerance in our age of extremism: “In our interconnected world, we must learn to feel enlarged, not threatened, by difference.”

Most people don’t know much about the meaning of transgender. I had recently moved to serve a new congregation in 1989. And Jim, a member of the congregation, invited Alison and me to his house for dinner. We arrived at his door, knocked and we were met by Joan. (neither of the names are real.)

This was 1989 and what I understood about being a transgender person could have filled a matchbook. If Joan had given me any clues about being transgender, I had totally missed them. Joan greeted us warmly, gave us drinks and showed us around her apartment. Then we had a nice dinner and a delightful evening. Thus began my education about transgender issues and language but mostly about transgender people.

Joan was thrilled to introduce her true self to us. What really baffled and yet impressed me was what had made Joan comfortable enough to disclose to me, to us, that she was transgender. She had heard a few of my sermons. We had talked briefly during coffee hour, but not about transgender concerns. The reason she felt comfortable enough to risk it simply had to be because I was a UU Minister, her Minister.

I am using the word “transgender” as an umbrella term, the way the office at the UUA for LGBTQ and Multiculturalism uses it: that is broad enough to include the following people: cross-dressers; people who identify as genderqueer, third gender, gender fluid, and two spirit; some intersex individuals; transsexuals; and all self-identified trans people.

This doesn’t even come close to being as inclusive and comprehensive as it should be. What I learned growing up was there are two options when it comes to gender: you are either a male or female, man or woman – nothing in between. But we as a society have evolved enough to realize that there are more than two genders. When we talk about biological sex, gender identity, gender expression and so much more, there is a whole continuum of ways to understand ourselves.

When it comes down to biological sex, there are attributes of anatomy, chromosomes and hormones that help shape a person’s biological sex to be male, female, or intersex. I listened to a webinar led by UUA’s Alex Kapitan, who heads our LGBTQ and Multicultural Programs. Alex pointed out that we don’t all comfortably fit into the boxes Male or Female. There are for example 1 out of every 100 people in the U.S. whose bodies do not fit the Male or Female definition because there may be factors from chromosomes, hormones, or actual attributes of anatomy that don’t fit neatly into one or the other category.

And there is one person out of every 1,500 people in the U.S. who have ambiguous genitalia, neither completely male nor female. OK, but that isn’t that many people is it? Well, if we take that figure, there are more people in the U.S who fit the category of Intersex than the total numbers of Unitarian Universalists.

Here is where it is important to stress that sex refers to biology, whereas gender refers to that which is cultural and social. Thus, our understanding of gender issues are layered over the actual biological sex of a person.

So your gender identity is your inner felt sense of being a man or a woman, neither of these, or both. My internal sense of my gender is based on how I relate to the classification between the two distinct forms: male and female. Remember, each of us has a gender identity.

Plus there is the factor of how we express our gender. And please note that this changes dramatically depending on time in history and one’s place in the world. How does one manifest one’s masculinity or femininity or both or neither? This includes our dress, behavior, general appearance, speech patterns and preferences and so much more. These are the gender identity cues that we give off to others.

When I was a young boy, it was rare to see a male wear pink. And the only place a boy could feel comfortable wearing shorts was while swimming or playing basketball. I can remember my parents concern about my long hair when I came back from college in 1966, and it wasn’t really that long!

There is a term called gender binary which is the system for classifying sex and gender into one of two distinct and seemingly disconnected forms: man or woman. Once that is done, our identity, role, and bodies can be apprehended as either masculine or feminine. For me as a child, this required the rules and cultural pressure I felt about the color pink or the wearing of shorts as a child. I didn’t want to bend the gender rules and be called a sissy.

Often we confuse gender identity with one’s sexual orientation. That is, who a person is sexually attracted to or one’s affectional orientation, which describes to whom we are romantically attracted. It is so important to remember that our gender identity only refers to our self, not to whom we are attracted. The lumping of these together comes about because of societal assumptions about sex, gender, and gender expression.

Speaking of transgender individuals, they can have any of various sexual orientations. A transgender person can be lesbian, gay, bisexual, or straight. Each of us has a sexual orientation as well as a gender identity.

Historically, the term transgender was used to describe people who dared to transgress the cultural dominant idea of gender. At that time, transgender didn’t refer to individuals who wanted surgery or hormones to legally or medically change their sex. Transgender has more recently become an umbrella term that refers to all people who transgress the dominant definitions of gender; the term keeps evolving.

There is the new term cisgender or cis that describes those who are not gender variant or trans. Cis refers to those whose gender identities, presentations, and behavior pretty much line up with the sex assigned to them at birth. Cis is a prefix and its roots mean “on the same side.” The use of trans and cis are neutral descriptors that are used rather than homo and hetero.

The people in the transgender support group that met monthly at my former congregation helped me learn some of these distinctions. There are crossdressers who occasionally wear clothing of the “opposite” gender. The term crossdresser is preferable to transvestite. And neither of these describes a transsexual person. It is important to note that crossdressing is not necessarily connected to erotic activity. And those who are “drag queens” and kings are performers and often exaggerate.

There are also those who see themselves as somewhere on a continuum between being a man and woman. Some feel that they are some of both or neither. These people sometimes refer to themselves as: Genderqueer, Third Gender, Gender Fluid or Two Spirit. Two spirit is an image derived from some Native North American cultures.

The term intersex is generally used to describe a person born with a genetic, hormonal, or anatomical condition. Their reproductive or sexual anatomy doesn’t seem to fit the dominant understanding of female or male. It has been the case that when a child is born intersex, doctors and parents rush to “correct” the “problem” with surgery which often causes mental and physical difficulties later in life. It is important to know that the term “hermaphrodite” is obsolete and not currently considered appropriate.

Which brings us to the term transsexual, which has been used for those who want to or already have medically and legally changed their sex. Transsexual people have normally felt conflict between their inner gender identity and the outward sex they were assigned at birth. Transition includes the complex process of authentically living into one’s gender identity. This may or may not mean leaving behind one’s assigned birth sex.

As an example, transition can be coming out to one’s family, friends, and/or co-workers. It may include changing one’s name on legal documents. And it can include the use of hormone therapy; and some form of surgery, but not necessarily. And it should be noted that not all trans people identify with the word transition as a process to be completed. There are those who have made the transition and no longer see themselves as transsexual or transgender but rather identify as a man or a woman.

I know this is a great deal to understand. I deeply appreciated how tolerant the transgender individuals were in my former congregation– the UU Church in Washington Crossing, NJ. They kept telling me that there are no stupid questions. They reminded me that they too were in the process of understanding what it means to be a transgender person. At my retirement party the Transgender Support Group interrupted the dancing to give me an appreciation plaque.

There was the member of the congregation and a trans woman who had been in construction and she helped me build a patio with cement pavers and eight-foot beams that were 6 inches by 6 inches. There was the trans woman member who was a burly plumber who installed a new heating system in our house. That man’s daughter told me that after her father had become open about her transition she (her father) had become a much happier person. Unfortunately that daughter later rejected her father and kept her own daughter from visiting her transgender grandfather. Another trans woman who joined the congregation said she only began to accept that she was a trans woman after her wife died. What I am saying is that transgender individuals come in all forms and places on the man-woman continuum. In addition to those I mentioned, we had a transgender member, a college professor, who drove an hour and a half one way to attend our services, a former FBI investigator who had become a security guard, a teenager, and others.

At my former congregation, I officiated at many same sex weddings; one I especially remember was for two men who at first glance seemed an unusual match. One of the men was a retired Trenton, NJ, police officer who fit the TV stereotype of an Irish American Cop. The other man was an African American, about twenty years younger than his partner. The second man was a professional crossdressing performer down in Philadelphia. On the wedding day, the crossdresser was in a beautiful wedding gown and had five friends in gorgeous bridesmaid’s dresses. When they walked down the aisle, the music from West Side Story was played: “Somewhere there’s a place for me,”

. . . Somewhere there’s a place for me,
Where I’ve always longed to be;
And it’s made especially for me.
And there’s nobody crying there,
No more reason to shed a tear.
For all envy and hate and fear will cease.

Somewhere there’s a land so free,
Where we’ll live eternally.
Oh, I can hardly wait to see
That clear crystal sea.
No more heartaches to bring despair,
Only joy and contentment there,
And sweet, tender, loving care and peace.

Somewhere there’s a place for me,
Where I’ve always longed to be,
And it’s made especially for me . . .

Words and Music by Marjie Reece (c) 1986 by TJM

Of course, everyone was crying when they walked in. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the sanctuary.

Langston Hughes wrote:
. . . my dream.
But it was there then,
In front of me,
Bright like a sun—
My dream.
And then the wall rose,
Rose slowly,
Slowly,
Between me and my dream.
Rose until it touched the sky
The shadow that blocked out the dream for Langston Hughes was racism and the fact that he was black. Many people in his day didn’t think he deserved equal civil rights. For that matter there are many today who continue to cling to such racist feelings.

Langston Hughes wrote:
I am black.
I lie down in the shadow.
No longer the light of my dream before me,
Above me.
Only the thick wall.
Only the shadow.
Slowly the place of African Americans, of people of color began to change, American society has evolved, or more accurately, is evolving. But its evolution has not come easily and it is far from complete. And as Langston Hughes put it:
My hands!
My dark hands!
Break through the wall!
Find my dream!
Help me to shatter this darkness,
To smash this night,
To break this shadow
Into a thousand lights of sun,
Into a thousand whirling dreams
Of sun!
The evolution of society’s attitude toward transgender people has been slow, but it is beginning to speed up. In the Thursday NY Times this past Thursday, there was an editorial about people working for legal protections for transgender people in the military. There are about fifteen thousand and five hundred trans soldiers in the US armed forces today. Scores have been expelled. The past two Secretaries of Defense, Chuck Hagel and Leon Panetta, were urged to review the rules for transgender people in the military but didn’t. The new Secretary of Defense, Ashton Carter, is doing so now. There really is no rational for baring transgender people from the military. Britain, Canada, Australia and Israel already allow them to serve. In today’s NY Times, there is an article about transgender story books being written for children.

Olympic gold medalist Bruce Jenner made headline news around the world with his long TV interview with Diane Sawyer. And recently he transformed into Caitlyn Jenner. Most people have been very positive toward Caitlyn’s transition pictured on the cover of Vanity Fair. Caitlyn Jenner recently tweeted: “I’m so happy after such a long struggle, to be living my true self.”

Laverne Cox, a transgender actress, wrote an essay about Caitlyn Jenner’s “Vanity Fair Cover.” I found her very enlightening. Laverne had appeared in Time Magazine and she recalled that at the time she “…was met with criticism from others in the transgender community who claimed she didn’t represent most trans people.” She recognized that those who disapproved of her were pointing out that because of the way the lighting is arranged and the angles at which pictures are taken that she was able to embody the culturally dominant beauty standards. Cox was clear to point out that it is important to have media representations of the broad array of transgender individuals and admitted that most transgender people do not have the privileges that Caitlyn and she have.

Cox ended her article, writing, “I hope, as I know Caitlyn does, that the love she is receiving can translate into changing hearts and minds about who all trans people are as well as shifting public policies to fully support the lives and well being of all of us. The struggle continues . . .”

CLOSING WORDS: “Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It’s about knowing and accepting who you are.” Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously . . . I’m kidding.”
Responsive Reading: by Dag Hammarskjold #486
Meditation: “To Risk” Anonymous # 658

A great deal of information for this sermon came from the May 2013 website article Transgender 101, by the LGBTQ Ministries, Multicultural Growth and Witness department of the Unitarian Universalist Association. www.uua.org/lgbtq / lgbtq@uua.org
Ways to be More Welcoming & Inclusive of Transgender People

Avoid making assumptions about gender identity or sexual orientation.

Respect a person’s identity and self-label, and respect a person’s chosen name and pronoun preference. Practice offering your own preferred pronouns when you meet new people.

Do not assume a trans person is all-knowing and/or wants to speak about trans issues. Do not assume a trans person can speak only about their trans identity, nor that it is or is not an issue at all. Learn more about transgender identity on your own.

Recognize that “transgender” is not a sexual orientation and educate yourself and others on the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity/expression. Don’t say “lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer” if you are only taking about sexuality. Recognize that a person can identify with more than one of those labels.

Use terms that encompass all genders rather than only two (e.g., “children” instead of “boys and girls”; “people” instead of “women and men”; “siblings,” “kindred,” or “brothers and sisters and siblings of all genders” instead of “brothers and sisters”).

Review member policies for gender-exclusive groups sponsored by your congregation—do they make room to include transgender people? Would people with non-binary identities have a way to be involved? If your congregation ever uses forms that ask for gender, think about whether that information is necessary. If it is, include a “Transgender” option, as well as a box for “Other.” Also, ask for “gender” rather than “sex.” Allow people to check more than one box.

Talk to children about gender and transgender issues. Provide age-appropriate education around understanding one’s gender identity and how gender norms and stereotypes play out in our society.

Create single stall, ADA-accessible bathroom(s) and label them in a welcoming way (e.g., as “gender neutral” or “all gender”). Make sure your signs elsewhere communicate that these bathroom(s) are available and point the way.

Do continuing education for your congregation specifically on transgender issues. You might consider using one of the recommended curricula below, a film showing and discussion, a panel discussion, and/or a sermon on the topic.

Learn about local and federal laws and how to change them if they are not inclusive (e.g., nondiscrimination policies around employment, housing, credit, and public accommodations; name changes; and gender marker changes). Follow the leadership of local and/or federal transgender organizations.