The Power of the Science of Gratitude
OPENING WORDS by Rev. Sheri Prud’homme
There comes a time
When suffering weighs too heavy on the heart,
When powerlessness passes through rate into shimmering acceptance of brutal truth,
When the terrible uncertainty of what’s to come
Eclipses any beauty the present moment has to offer
Then, there is nothing left to do
But bow down to limits
And to suffering.
All the way down – forehead to the floor,
the soft flesh of the back of the neck exposed.
Is it a prayer? Perhaps.
After resting there on the ground,
We rise up (for what else is there to do?)
And we kindle the flame that connects us with
We remember – we are not alone.
“THE POWER OF THE SCIENCE OF GRATITUDE”
by Rev. Maya Massar
Good Morning.
I am going to start and end with Gratitude today – but don’t worry; not the hallmark card, spiritual-bypass-y, truth-avoiding version of Gratitude – it is going to be – I hope - a deeper, more utilitarian sort, which is connected to the other topic I will touch upon: Burnout, exhaustion, the general battle-weariness we know all too well these days in relation to basic navigation of life in our complicated world – and maybe more specifically, in relation to the level of social activism Unitarian Universalist hearts strive to maintain. We don’t – like our earlier hymn mentioned – want to run this race in vain - - but if we do not have tools with which to stay afloat when our hearts are heavy, we are at risk.
But to begin, I want to offer my thanks to your own fabulous minister, the Reverend Margaret Beckman, for inviting me here to speak with you all today; this is a church, a house, of integrity she keeps, and I am as delighted to be present each week (when my own work allows me) as a part of the congregation to revel in Rev. Margaret’s wisdom and inspiration, as I am honored to stand before you all today. (And thank you also, Margaret, for your inspired assistance with order of service and hymn choices!)
* * *
I usually open with a short prayer. Since I am ordained an “Interfaith” minister, and currently work mainly as a hospice chaplain and spiritual director, my interactions are most often one on one. In such settings, it is easy to listen for, engage with – and use - specific and personally appropriate words for WHAT A PERSON HOLDS SACRED – to learn and use vocabulary that feels familiar, resonant and true for an individual. Here in our UU midst, I know that the number of appropriate – or perhaps more importantly – inappropriate – words we use for the name of that which we lift up - are about as varied as the number of us in conversation at any time. To say “The Name of The Divine”, or even to use the word “prayer” may lift up one of your heart’s, and repel the next…. And so, to cover my bases, as I proceed with the following, feel welcome to shift my words in your own heart to ones that serve you:
This is or is not a prayer, a wish, a statement of intent, to or from or within The Big Thing – by whatever name you call it – The Interdependent Web Of Life, Source Energy, The Universe, God, Goddess, Great Mystery/Great Spirit, If What Is Sacred To You is the Hallowed Halls of Science, the Cathedrals of the Great Forests/Nature Herself, or, simply, presence in the preciousness of all our mundane, human moments, here on Earth. I call to This Beingness, to make it’s presence known to each of us, assist us in feeling held, seen, heard and known, if only to our own hearts.
Because it is in feeling known in these ways that our hearts experience Gratitude. And – here we go now:
It is in the experience of Gratitude that we regenerate. (Be patient – there is some science in this to come.) This is my wish, prayer, intention; for each of us, today, and every day.
* * *
In the words of the Reverend Dr. Rosemary Bray McNatt
[Who is the current President of Starr King School for the Ministry in Oakland, CA (and has been since 2014). Rev. Bray mcNatt was Senior Minister of The Fourth Universalist Society in the 175-year old Unitarian Universalist congregation on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, for 13 years; Also, impressively, she served as faculty member of the 2008 International Council of Unitarian Universalists Leadership Training Conference in Nairobi, Kenya - among other fabulous – and likely exhausting - positions. Rosemary knows plenty about the potential for burn-out.]
She also happened to be one of my own beloved professors.
From her Sermon “Being Alive”
(which you can google on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsfb3f5ixz4 ):
Rev. Bray McNatt says “Because of this faith tradition of ours, because of the work it calls us to do in every season, we are likely to be among the folks ready to march, to tutor, to rescue, to protest, to write letters, to get arrested. Because we believe that faith without works is dead. It may even be our default position to work and act in the face of sadness and loss. We are right to do what we can for those who live their lives so much closer to the margin” “But” she goes on, “I want to encourage you to be as kind to yourself as you can possibly be.”
“How we keep ourselves lifted” is crucial, she says.
How DO we keep our selves lifted?
This is not an idle question. I ask it because I believe that now, as in other heroically transformational times in history – we are experiencing a level of need for ACTION that many, if not most, of us are finding very difficult to navigate. We are told by our church that “works” are the essence of what keeps our tradition alive. We are told by the mainstream media that if we do not ACT NOW climate change will decimate us all. We are coached by social media that if we do not take a side we fail our convictions and “our way” of life will come to a devastating end. We are told by our neighbors that we aught to join this cause or that, or …. That one… or that one. . . and in one way or another, that if we do not, we are “siding with the enemy”. Our friends and families, children or grandchildren urge us to engage. Our CONSCIENCE urges us to engage, to DO SOMETHING. As Rosemary says, to “be one of those folks ready to march, protest, get arrested. . .”
And amidst this pressure – that CALL, or PULL or even DRIVE we each feel -- there are a few questions we must answer for ourselves. Among these are “where do I stand” on a given issue? Which issues, even, are for me – with the gifts I bring, where and in what way would I best serve – and HOW to proceed? How far from home shall I serve: the un-housed family under the bridge in my town center – or the children in the Ukraine? Write letters to my mayor regarding recycling policy – or sail with Greenpeace International?
AND, if I am already passionately engaged in ACTION, how much can – or should – I give? And maybe most poignantly, does it end – and if so when - in the world, or, just for myself – what about when I feel too old, too tired, too fallen? . . . for BURNOUT seems just around the corner – or, perhaps – upon me now?
Those of us who have been in this thing called life a number of decades – may be well beyond burnout, and find ourselves in a sort of numbness, still wishing to participate, yet immobilized by our body/heart/mind/spirit’s bewilderment as we look out upon a world that can seem now so unbearably in need. . . This numbness is our body’s way of letting us know we are in a state of trauma.
* * *
The question I want us to look at today, is this:
HOW, in our world so full of need, DO WE HEAL, REGENERATE and MAINTAINE OUR OWN WELL-BEING? (For without these, we are useless in the mission.)
The truth is, right now, though we are loathe to speak it (for ours is a path in which we may see action as the whole way), that inner peace may seem an impossibly daunting task.
Our own 7 Principals – which are constructed to support and enliven us – can be sources of anxiety when we are overwhelmed –
1st Principle: The inherent worth and dignity of every person; HOW DO WE HOLD THIS FOR THOSE WHO SEEM TO HOLD NONE OF IT THEMSELVES, spend, even, enormous amounts of energy aiming to destroy the worth and dignity of others?
2nd Principle: Justice, equity and compassion in human relations; BUT COMPASSION FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NONE – AND WORSE, AIM MALACE AT THOSE THEY DISAGREE WITH OR FEAR?
3rd Principle: Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations; GROWING IS HARD WHEN WE FEEL LITTLE HOPE, ARE EXHAUSTED, EVEN BATTLE-WEARY. . .
4th Principle: A free and responsible search for truth and meaning; BUT HOW, WHEN FAMILIAR MEANING SEEMS TORN, STRIPPED FROM EVERTHING, ALL AROUND US?
5th Principle: The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large; HOW TO PROCEED WHEN DEMOCRATIC PROCESS ITSELF SEEMS THWARTED AT EVERY TURN in not just the nooks and crannies of the United States, but blatantly, in our cities – and even globally?
6th Principle: The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all; BUT HOW, WHEN EVEN DEFINING GOALS – LET ALONE MOVING TOWARDS THEM – SEEMS SO COMPLEX, CONFUSING, EVEN IMPOSSIBLE AT TIMES?
7th Principle: Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part. BUT WHAT ABOUT in those moments WHEN OUR INTERDEPENDENCE viscerally feels BROKEN, and THE WEB THAT SHOULD CONNECT US TO ONEANOTHER APPEARS TORN? HOW DO WE EXPERIENCE OUR INTERDEPENDENCE - LET ALONE RESPECT - WHAT WE HARDLY FEEL ANYMORE?
If these questions have resonance for you, perhaps you are among those of us that have been worn down, those who are experiencing activist (or just life) burnout.
First, I want to be (another) voice (for I know there are many, your own minister being a sturdy one of these)
to remind you of this:
YOU ARE WORTHY JUST AS YOU ARE.
No matter how much or how little you perceive yourself to be actively engaged in “WORKS”. YOUR LIFE, in this moment, exactly as it is, is a thing to be honored, to be GRATEFUL FOR.
This MUST be your starting point – and the point you return to after every fall.
* * *
One thing science now shows us is that experiencing Gratitude re-balances our systems; it can be one of our greatest tools for regenerating. Before we dive into a bit of “the science of gratitude”, I will note an other familiar and easily accessed tool we social justice activists would do well to recall – it is, quite simply - TOUCH – most of you may know this well, but let me remind us all of the power to heal you have – already, and always - with you, by sharing (in part) from poet and cancer survivor Mark Nepo’s The Book of Awakening, entry titled “The Risk To Be Touched”.
[Dear friends, I – Maya - had permission from the publisher to share this piece with you verbally in the live sermon, but we do not have rights to publish it. Perhaps you might wish to consider purchasing Nepo’s book – it is wonderful, daily inspiration. You can go here to do so: [https://www.betterworldbooks.com/product/detail/9781573241175?shipto=US&curcode=USD&gclid=Cj0KCQjwuuKXBhCRARIsAC-gM0h8ozDmB_Xt3cBdhcTOip_tevEcRlP_nMKOO4sA9NHTY26dgqHa0JIaAkZFEALw_wcB ]
* * *
But on to Gratitude now, via the heart. . .
Dr. Rollin McCraty of the Heartmath Institute
shares that science now shows us that there are more measurable electromagnetic impulses and “messages” that go from the heart to the brain than vice-versa. In fact, the electromagnetic energy field of the resonant heart measures 60 times greater than that of the brain. He calls heart-connection “Coherance” - - and offers that Heart-Brain-Body Coherence is our gateway to Well-being on every level.
New brain science shows us that if we have aligned ourselves with our innermost Knowing (that is, we are in Body/Heart/Mind Coherence), our world (and BTW beloved 7 principals) will once again shine for us. Rather than be triggered by the exhausted and protective part of our brain’s – the Amygdala’s - fear of and resistance to facing our failures in the past - or incapacity to manage what is to come - our Gratitude-based, Larger Self’s wisdom – the Resonant Heart – will light up the forefront of our brains – our Medial Prefrontal Cortex – catalyzing (as many of you know) the release of the neurotransmitter Dopamine, associated with pleasure and motivation. As well, Seratonin is released, which stabilizes our mood, and increases our sense of renewal and rejuvenation on all levels, all of which returns us to overall WELLBEING.
To take this one step further, according to one study on NeuroActivity -
You can increase your Coherence level – - and thus overall mental, emotional and physical well-being - - by going beyond experiencing gratitude – to sharing it: Apparently, EXPRESSING gratitude out loud to another is scientifically shown to increase wellbeing even more fully. (Being heard is part of the package. DO try this at home!)
Another study shows us that the practice and expression of gratitude literally, fascinatingly - and relevantly for we “works” doers - causes the areas of the brain associated with altruism to light up!
[ https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2017.00599/full ]
* * *
“Self Care” is a term we all throw around a lot in these days of overwork. But caring for the self is not just a toss-away concept – we NEED it in functional forms if we are to survive these times.
I am trained in “disaster chaplaincy” – working with those experiencing acute and sustained trauma - and working with the dying, their families and the hospice staff who care for them; I have a number of tools for what I call “quick return” – return to a state of lessened anxiety, clear thinking, renewed energy and inner harmony.
I want to share with you a tool that integrates the healing power of TOUCH and the aligning grace of GRATITUDE, and, if you find it useful, it may become one of the ways - as Reverend Bray McNatt says – that you – we - “keep ourselves lifted”.
It will take a few minutes to learn, and takes only a minute or two to use whenever you are in need of a moment of replenishment.
[You can find links to recordings of my voice sharing simple, Heart-Based meditations as well as information on the benefits of heart based meditation on my newer website – www.heartfullivinganddying.com - more to be added soon - or simply google the topic, if you wish to explore this further.]
Alternately, you may find a friend and read this meditation to one another until the practice is familiar enough for you to do on your own:
SLIGHTLY LOWER YOUR EYES
OR CLOSE THEM IF YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE DOING SO.
NOTICE YOUR BREATHING.
PLACE ONE HAND OVER THE CENTRE OF YOUR CHEST,
AND THE OTHER OVER THAT ONE, SO YOUR HANDS ARE LIKE A BUTTERFLY RESTING GENTLY OVER YOUR HEART AND LUNGS.
FEEL YOUR CHEST RISE AND FALL.
PRESS GENTLY WITH THE HANDS. Breathing.
MAYBE, resting there for a moment, YOU CAN FEEL YOUR HEART BEATING UNDER YOUR PALM OR FINGERS.
NOW SEE IF YOU CAN FEEL YOUR HANDS WITH YOUR CHEST;
YOUR GOOD HEART, FEELING THE GENTLE CARING PRESSURE
OF YOUR HANDS, WHICH LOVINGLY HOLD IT.
THE WARMTH – OR COOLNESS - OF YOUR KIND HANDS, FEELING THE BEATING OF YOUR PRECIOUS HEART BENEATH THEM.
NOW, GENTLY TAP ONE SET OF FINGERS, THEN THE OTHER. TAP. TAP.
THIS BILATERAL TAPPING OFFERS A BALANCING OF THE LEFT AND RIGHT HEMPSPHERES OF THE BRAIN – WHICH BRINGS US INTO A SORT OF NEURO-EQUILIBRIUM – AND CAN CALM US EVEN IN MOMENTS OF ACUTE TRAUMA.
Thinking brain, feeling brain. Linear brain, spatial brain. Word brain, melody brain, memory brain, presence brain. . . etc.
BREATHING IN AND OUT, YOU CAN STILL YOUR TAPPING, AND RELEASE YOUR HANDS INTO YOUR LAP.
BRING TO HEART SOMEONE OR SOMETHING FOR WHICH YOU ARE VERY GRATEFUL.
ALLOWING THE SENSATION OF GRATITUDE IN YOUR HEART TO FILL YOU.
BREATHING. GRATITUDE.
NOTICE HOW YOUR HEART FEELS WITHIN THIS GRATITUDE.
NOTICE HOW YOUR BODY FEELS. NOTICE THE RELATIVE GENTLENESS and/or STILLNESS – OR NOT – OF YOUR THOUGHTS and EMOTIONS. BREATHING.
From this grace of gratitude, your inner wisdom, inner knowing will be most clear and simple.
OH MY HEART. I AM HERE. OH MY HEART. I AM LISTENING.
You can allow your eyes to open as you are ready.
* * *
WHEN WE ARE STILL IN OUR HEARTS, THE MESSAGE SENT VIA THE HEART’S ELECTROMAGNETIC IMPULSE TO THE BRAIN IS:
“WE ARE OK”. THE BRAIN THEN REPORTS TO OUR ENDOCRINE SYSTEM TO FUNCTION FROM A PLACE OF WELL-BEING, RATHER THAN ONE OF ALERT OR EXHAUSTION.
Even a few moments of presence in heart-based gratitude can shift our brain’s
messages to the rest of our system. Practice this enough, and – thanks to neuroplasticity - you build new neuropathways that can shift your way of experiencing the world from trauma-based negativity focus to perceiving what is GOOD in your world – thus releasing you from the neuropathways of trauma. When we do this, we go forward feeling re-engaged and seeing even more to be grateful for. . .
It is from a state of heart-coherence that we have access to the answers to the big life questions – such as the When, Where and How’s of our action-taking.
I believe it is this EMBODIED, HEART-RESONANT, STATE OF GRATITUDE AND BALANCE that allows us to live renewed; IN GRATITUDE, we are not living in the past, nor in the future, but in our pristine and present moments (the only moments we truly have), right here, right now - with eyes and hearts, as David Whyte’s poem [you can read it here: https://www.mindfulnessassociation.net/words-of-wonder/the-opening-of-eyes-david-whyte/ ] so eloquently said, “opened at last, fallen in love with solid ground.”- energized to love our real moments, here on Earth.
So, this is the speck of the science behind what Mystics and partakers of various (to use our own fond term) WOO-WOO practices have known perhaps since the dawn of humanity:
With practice,
Experiencing the blessing of Gratitude can be our survival tool.
This can be practiced anywhere, any time. It HEALS US, REJUVENATES US, puts us in touch with the part of our own hearts that can offer us that “guidance for our feet” when we feel lost, and LEADS US BACK - gracefully and naturally – not just to brain-based altruism, but to what the UU faith tradition and our own well-being has always asked of us:
To be able to rise up from the floor where we had fallen in exhaustion, and to be re-inspired to take action where action is needed - to ground our faith – gratefully - in “works” when we are able – to allow our own deepest knowing to reveal itself to us when faced with the rich questions of life,
and, finally, to reclaim access
to a sense of our interconnectedness with all that is.
* * *
CLOSING WORDS
My final and closing invitation to you is this:
To go forth in your day today – perhaps even every day - with an intention for two things:
- To find or seek out a moment with someone you trust, to SHARE OUTLOUD your Gratitude and be present with them to share theirs if they so desire. (And to be a bit of a scientist as you do this: What sort of upliftment, if any, does this sharing afford you each?)
- To find a moment in which you yourself take – as Mark Nepo says - “the risk to be touched” and ask someone you feel loved by to touch you – a hug, a pat on the shoulder, a holding of hands, and,
. . . as well, to seek a moment to offer touch to another who might benefit.
Remembering that returning – again and again – to Gratitude (and a visceral presence in our own hearts) –- mends us not only spiritually, but literally, on all levels of our being.
And finally, I would invite you to revisit our beloved 7 Principals [ review them here: https://www.uua.org/beliefs/what-we-believe/principles ] – and see if, from a Heart-coherent place, they may have renewed shine for you; perhaps there is one that sings out to you specifically, and might light your path today.
I leave you now in Gratitude,
and with EVERY BLESSING
of whatever sort your shining heart chooses.
Amen, Aho, Ashe – May it Be So.
*************
Dearest Congregation of the UU Church, Castine;
It was a delight to be present with you this Sunday. The sense of welcoming kindness among you all was tangible and heart-warming. I am honored to be becoming a part of such a lovely group of humans!
Above are the words of my sermon. You’ll find links to references in the body of the sermon as you read. Also:
- If you would like to listen to my recorded heart-based meditations, you may visit my new site: heartfullivinganddying.com - this site is in its infancy – so check back often as more content will soon be posted.
- You can also find me on my spiritual direction website: stoneandstar.webs.com (Stone & Star Interfaith Spiritual Direction).
- Finally, my Rest & Renewal Sessions are on this (decidedly more “woo-woo”) site: mayamassar.com
- Finally, please feel welcome to email me: mayamassar@gmail.com
Big thanks once again to Rev. Margaret for your generous invitation to me to stand ‘in the pulpit’, and for your ongoing, gentle and inspiring upholding of this congregation.
Warmly,
Rev. Maya
