Sermons

READING ~ Gospel According to Mark. Chapter 14, verses 32 – 42. New Revised Standard Version

³² They went to a place called Gethsemane; and he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” ³³ He took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be distressed and agitated. ³⁴ And he said to them, “I am deeply grieved, even to death; remain here, and keep awake.” ³⁵ And going a little farther, he threw himself on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. ³⁶ He said, “Abba,^[a] Father, for you all things are possible; remove this cup from me; yet, not what I want, but what you want.” ³⁷ He came and found them sleeping; and he said to Peter, “Simon, are you asleep? Could you not keep awake one hour? ³⁸ Keep awake and pray that you may not come into the time of trial;^[b] the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” ³⁹ And again he went away and prayed, saying the same words. ⁴⁰ And once more he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were very heavy; and they did not know what to say to him. ⁴¹ He came a third time and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? Enough! The hour has come; the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. ⁴² Get up, let us be going. See, my betrayer is at hand.”

Footnotes
Mark 14:36 Aramaic for Father
Mark 14:38 Or into temptation

READING ~ Parker Palmer       (The Gift of Presence and the Perils of Advice--by Parker J. Palmer, syndicated from onbeing.org, Jan 01, 2019)

Here’s the deal. The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed — to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is. When we make that kind of deep bow to the soul of a suffering person, our respect reinforces the soul’s healing resources, the only resources that can help the sufferer make it through.

Aye, there’s the rub. Many of us “helper” types are as much or more concerned with being seen as good helpers as we are with serving the soul-deep needs of the person who needs help. Witnessing and companioning take time and patience, which we often lack — especially when we’re in the presence of suffering so painful we can barely stand to be there, as if we were in danger of catching a contagious disease. We want to apply our “fix,” then cut and run, figuring we’ve done the best we can to “save” the other person.

During my depression, there was one friend who truly helped. With my permission, Bill came to my house every day around 4:00 PM, sat me down in an easy chair, and massaged my feet. He rarely said a word. But somehow he found the one place in my body where I could feel a sense of connection with another person, relieving my awful sense of isolation while bearing silent witness to my condition.

By offering me this quiet companionship for a couple of months, day in and day out, Bill helped save my life. Unafraid to accompany me in my suffering, he made me less afraid of myself. He was present — simply and fully present — in the same way one needs to be at the bedside of a dying person.

SERMON ~ “Stay Awake with Me” ~ Rev. Margaret A. Beckman

After they had celebrated the Passover dinner together, Jesus went outside and walked in the garden called Gethsemane.  The disciples were with him as they walked in the cool of the evening.  Jesus was troubled.  He had an idea of what might happen to him. As was his habit, he drew aside from the disciples to pray. Though Jesus wanted to pray alone, he did not want to be alone.  He was scared and he was heart sick.

He asked his three closest friends to sit with him, just stay nearby and watch – or stay awake with him.  Peter, James and John did as they were asked.  They drew aside from the others and sat in the garden while Jesus prayed.  Jesus said to them, “I am deeply grieved, even to death; remain here, and keep awake.”

That’s all Jesus asked.  Stay with me. Stay awake with me. Let me know you are near me. I am tired, I am worn, I am suffering.  Stay awake while I pray. Let me feel your loving presence near me.

You all probably know the Christian story of Holy Week – the time between Palm Sunday and Easter.  On that night – the very night of the big Passover dinner, Jesus was captured and arrested and eventually he was executed.  Did Jesus know what was going to happen?  Perhaps he did.  Perhaps he knew that the combined powers of the Roman Empire and the Jewish hierarchy would not tolerate his message of love, equality, and inclusion and that he would be silenced one way or another.  I don’t know exactly how or what Jesus was feeling on that night as he went into the garden to pray, but the gospel writers all agree that he was deeply troubled and his suffering was evident to his friends.

He did not ask for advice.  He did not ask for anyone to fix the problem.  He did not blame others or duck his responsibility. He asked his close friends to bear witness to his suffering.  Just that.  Stay with me. Stay awake with me. Watch and pray with me.  We might not think that it is so much to ask or very much to give, but we would be wrong.  For Jesus, it was everything he needed.  In his hour of deepest distress, what he needed was his friends nearby holding him in their care.  No answers.  No advice.  No intervention.  No heroics.  Presence. Stay awake. Watch. Pray.

At times when suffering is most intense, the greatest gift we can offer is the gift of our presence - -of quiet, of steadfast wakefulness, of bearing witness to the pain of our friend or loved one.

None of the disciples of Jesus could fix the problem that Jesus and his message was a threat to the powerful.  There was no advice for Jesus – Jesus already knew what he was going to do.  There was no one to blame.  There was nothing to be said to make things better.

So, not such a difficult thing to ask for or to offer.  Sit with me.  We will stay with you as you endure what lies ahead.

And yet …..  it was difficult.  The three closest friends of Jesus saw his distress but they did not understand it fully.  They did go into the garden.  They sat nearby.  And they fell asleep.  They didn’t mean to.  They meant to stay awake and to pray for their friend in his time of such deep distress.  They were tired too.  They were anxious because Jesus was so obviously anxious.  They wanted to DO something.  They wanted to run away and avoid the trouble they could feel fast approaching.  None of that would be helpful to  Jesus.  And so they tried to so as he asked – and they fell asleep.  They did not fall asleep because of a lack of concern for Jesus.  They simply were not able to sustain the watchfulness that went on for hours as Jesus was in prayer and meditation.

I say that the greatest and most helpful gift we can offer is friendship and our quiet presence in the midst of suffering.

It sounds simple enough, but those of you who have been that steadfast friend or family member who watches and waits while someone is suffering know that it is not easy.  It is hard.  It is hard because most of us are helpers and fixers.  And sometimes there is no fix, there is only love.

Staying awake can be hard, very hard.  We feel as though we are not really helping because we are not DOING anything.  But, dear friends, we are doing the only thing that can be done and the only thing that is an honest balm for our friend or loved one.  We are not running away from their pain.  We are not explaining how the pain isn’t that bad or soon will be over or is someone or something else’s responsibility.  And please dear gods and goddesses we are not saying that everything happens for a reason.  Yes, everything happens, but to suggest that suffering is part of some grand scheme of greatness and eventual goodness is, in my opinion, dismissive and disrespectful.  The hard thing is to validate the pain and distress and stay there beside your friend anyway – knowing that you can’t offer advice, can’t blame someone else, can’t make it go away, can’t fix it and can’t hurry it up any faster than it is going to go.

Parker Palmer is a writer, speaker and activist and the author of about thirteen great books. He also lives with clinical depression.  Not all the time, but three times in his eighty plus years, depression brought him so low he was not sure if he would survive.

This is what he says about the friend he needed and received during one of those dark period of his life.

“During my depression, there was one friend who truly helped. With my permission, Bill came to my house every day around 4:00 PM, sat me down in an easy chair, and massaged my feet. He rarely said a word. But somehow he found the one place in my body where I could feel a sense of connection with another person, relieving my awful sense of isolation while bearing silent witness to my condition.

By offering me this quiet companionship for a couple of months, day in and day out, Bill helped save my life. Unafraid to accompany me in my suffering, he made me less afraid of myself. He was present — simply and fully present…..” (The Gift of Presence and the Perils of Advice--by Parker J. Palmer, syndicated from onbeing.org, Jan 01, 2019)

Parker also talks about the friends who tried to help by offering advice or cajoling him to “see the sunshine” or wanting to convince him that he was, and is, a wonderful person.  None of that was helpful in the time of his deep suffering.  It was his suffering and only he could go through it. BUT – the quiet non-assuming presence and light touch offered by Bill helped to save his life.

What did Bill do?  He stayed with Parker.  He kept watch with Parker.  He allowed Parker to feel however he was feeling and stayed put.  He offered a few observations and the gentle touch of rubbing his feet.

Not much - -  and yet, everything.

Here’s how Parker Palmer explains what we mean by staying awake with someone who is suffering:

“Here’s the deal. The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed — to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is. When we make that kind of deep bow to the soul of a suffering person, our respect reinforces the soul’s healing resources, the only resources that can help the sufferer make it through.

Aye, there’s the rub. Many of us “helper” types are as much or more concerned with being seen as good helpers as we are with serving the soul-deep needs of the person who needs help. Witnessing and companioning take time and patience, which we often lack — especially when we’re in the presence of suffering so painful we can barely stand to be there, as if we were in danger of catching a contagious disease. We want to apply our “fix,” then cut and run, figuring we’ve done the best we can to “save” the other person.”

Aye, there’s the rub.  We are so uncomfortable with the pain and suffering of another that we want to throw salve on the wound and run away.  It is both so hard and so deeply meaningful to stay with someone – no words, no demands, no expectations.  Stay with me. Stay awake with me.  Watching and praying.  For Parker Palmer, there could be no better friend in a time of deep and crushing need than the one who remained and remained silently breathing and rubbing the only spot where he could feel comfort.

Time loses its hold on us when we watch and wait and stay awake.

We don’t DO anything, we Sit There.

For as long as necessary, coming back as often as necessary.

Four minutes.  Not long enough for some.  Too long for others. Maybe just right.

When you watch and pray or sit and meditate or stay and hold a hand or a foot – four minutes is both too long and too short.

The music in this video comes from the Taizé community - an ecumenical Christian monastic fraternity in France. Their music is a prayerful form of music known for its simple, yet rich and meditative character. Taizé music is often a simple melody that repeats over and over and is meant to serve as a kind of musical centering prayer.

I am now going to give you four minutes to sit and stay awake – to bring into your mind and heart anyone you know who needs your loving presence – even from afar.  Think of them.  Send them messages of encouragement, let them know you see them and hold them in your heart.  If you have difficulty thinking of specific people in your life, no worries.  Focus, if you choose, on the people around the world who are suffering from the ravages of war and climate disasters.  Bring them into your mind’s eye. Try to see them. Bear witness to their situation and simply send thoughts of loving kindness.

And dear ones, if this is too uncomfortable for you – notice that. You are not alone.  Just be quiet and when your mind wanders, let it go and then gently come back into this space where we are together creating healing for loved ones dear to us and for suffering people across the globe.

Video  - Stay with Me (Taizé Singers) 

Of course, the context for this Taizé song comes from Jesus in the garden with his disciples on the night that he was betrayed – a night that Christians will observe this Thursday.

Yet, the context could be anything, anywhere for anyone who needs the support of friends who will stay awake with them and bear witness to their life.

My dear Spiritual Companions, may we be the friend who in times of deep need and spiritual darkness sits quietly and steadily with no words of advice and offering only the light touch of comfort.

May we have a friend who will stay with us in our time of deep need.

Blessed Be.   I Love You.   Amen.